the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
