i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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