I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
