; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
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