..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
