i wish peter jackson would direct porn
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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