I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
