Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
