Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
