Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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