Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
