these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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