My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
