Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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