this beer tastes like vomit already
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
