Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
