So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
