Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
