i think i have herpe
just one?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
