I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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