I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
