wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
