dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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