you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Blood and glitter go together right?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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