i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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