dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
