i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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