explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
either way he was missing a nipple.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
