You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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