We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
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One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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