I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
