I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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