I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize