His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
