I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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