look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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