dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
