I'm sorry my penis didn't work
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
