Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Randomize
