Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
