I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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