Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
