I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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