I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
