When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
