I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
