i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
