Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
