You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
