so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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