You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Randomize
