you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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