It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
