remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You were trust falling into bushes
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
