So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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