dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
