I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dick very happy bro
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
