I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
third nipple confirmed
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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