He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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