i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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