respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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