I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
