Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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