Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
