My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
