I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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